Recently, I've had occasion to tell this story more than once. People seem to really enjoy it. I'm not sure if it's because it's totally ridiculous or if someone can actually relate...
So, I have what my sister has termed "drive thru anxiety". It started with the drive thru lane at fast food places, but really it does translate into my life. Bottom line, I don't like when people have to wait for me. I don't want to cause them any trouble. Even if it is the person behind the sign at McDonald's.
I think it stems from my dad (aka greatest man ever) and his instillation of manners to us as kids. He is the most polite person I've ever met. In fact, if I happen to burp alone in a car, all by myself, no one to hear me, I can last about 4 seconds before I say excuse me. I can't help it! It's ingrained in me. So, to make people wait for me makes me crazy. Sweaty, twitchy, crazy.
My sister knows this and doesn't share the same opinion. Once when Arby's was having a 5 for $10 deal, I sat in the parking lot BEFORE going to the drive thru to make a list so I wouldn't have to wait. Or to say... ummm. hold on. My sister happened to be with me and thought I was a lunatic. But, I am serious! I just want to be ready! She now likes to take me through a drive thru and say... one minute please... and watch me sweat. And get nervous, and try to run from the car screaming "I'm sorry!" to all those in line behind me. Seriously, I can't take it.
This translates into other situations. For example, if I go to RedBox to get a movie... I will almost instantly hit check out no matter what is there if people start to line up. I did this with Lauren once and we got some stupid horror movie because I just said... hit check out! Do it! There's a line! Saying it out loud does make me sound a little crazy... I admit.
And now, the perfect example of my crazy anxiety... I was starving one day and pulled up to Wendy's. I don't eat a lot of fast food so I don't know that menu. I'm sure it's the same one they've had for 30 years (which is why I hate when people aren't ready when they get to the speaker. Come on! nuggets, just say it!) but I don't know the menu. you know how some places have the menu first then you pull up to the speaker? yeah, well, this wasn't one of those. But I didn't know it! So I was perusing the menu and all of a sudden the voice says welcome to Wendy's can I take your order? OMG. No! I'm not ready! But I couldn't say that. There was a car behind me! So I just spit out the first thing I saw... "BAKED POTATO"!!! Then the voice says, would you like anything else? NO! It just came out. Like I suffered from turret's syndrome! By the time I got to the window I realized the mistake I'd made. not only was I only getting some stupid fast food baked potato, but I had to drive. you can't use a fork and drive! And, I was thirsty! But, did I think fast enough to order a beverage? NO! So when I got up there to pay the window was full of people staring at the crazy lady who shouted out Baked Potato! I'm certain I looked crazy too, because I was starving, and thirsty, and sweaty from the ordeal...
So if you ever hear my kids or me say Baked Potato randomly... now you know!
Wednesday, May 22, 2013
Thursday, May 9, 2013
Mothers Day - the myth
Mother's day is fast approaching! And, as usual, I have some thoughts.
First of all, have you ever noticed the difference between Mother's Day and Father's Day propaganda? Mother's Day... oooh your a mother! You're special. You're amazing. You do so much all year round... Father's Day... you're a great dad! you work hard! you deserve a break.
WHAT A CROCK.
Back to Mother's Day specifically... The ads in the paper show all the great deals they have for Breakfast! Brunch! Dinner! Implying that after you've spent all year being a (insert adjective here... such as great, good, adequate, tired, okay, "at-least-you-survived") mom, you should now dress up your progeny and drag them IN PUBLIC to "enjoy" a meal with them. Wrong on so many levels, where do I start? If you've had children, and you are even remotely like me, taking your children to eat in public to a place without a playland or a happy meal or a toy in the box, IS NOT FUN. It is not relaxing. It certainly does not make you appreciate your brood and happy to go through another year with them!
As for Father's Day ads... Fishing Gear! Golf clubs! Because after all, Dads deserve a break! A break from spending 8-12 hours out of the house! A break from having outside interests and time and people to do things with! Fathers shouldn't go out with their kids to a brunch buffet for the Love-of-God?!? Gasp! They need to rest!
*** Side note, I know that I am generalizing here, and I hope I didn't offend anyone. In fact, my dad (best guy ever) was a stay-at-home dad. And as you'll see when I bring my point full circle, Eric spends quite a bit of time here too.... But I digress,
So, after one particularly traumatic year when Madelyn was just near a year old, (here's the story.... I laid in bed listening to Madelyn try to break free from her crib. I mistakenly thought that because it was MOTHER'S DAY, Eric would take a turn getting her up. WRONG ANSWER. I got up, fumed and fussed and decided that I would fix him! I would pack up all the kids, dress them up, go to church by myself with a 1 year old, a 2 year old, and a 6 year old! And to top it off, he would miss going out to brunch with us! Do you see the fault in this logic??? I didn't until later in the day. I certainly didn't punish HIM or prove a point to HIM... I nearly killed myself whilst he slept in until noon and thought, hmmm I should call Kandi.. Nope, no punishment or bright light bulb of insight happened that day!) Where was I? Oh yes, when we decided to change...
So after that horrid year, Eric asked me what I thought I would like for Mother's Day. At first he didn't understand how making me a good Mother's Day was his responsibility. Then my dad took him aside and said... She is the mother of your children, and until they're grown it's up to you. And to this day, my dad buys my mom flowers and gifts every mother's day. Refer back to BEST GUY EVER.
So when I really thought about what I wanted, I came up with one thing.... to be left alone. All alone. No noise, no food to make, no diapers to be changed, nothing. Just let me be. That first year still goes down as one of the best days I've ever had. Eric got up and took them --- where? not sure. Just gone. I didn't see them or hear from them until after supper. I laid in bed and watched TV, read a book, took a nap... bliss.
Then when Father's Day rolled around, I said, hey, are you going to go golfing with my dad or fishing with Marty? he said, I don't know yet. I said, well have fun! And that was his day.
We both spend a lot of time with our kids. The first year after Madelyn was born I didn't' work. And with Eric's job that is shift work, he spends a ton of time with them. Even when I did go to work, I went 3 days a week and tried to work super early or later so that one of us would be with them most of the time and use minimal daycare. So, we've got this "spend time with your kids" thing down to a science. And, the fact that we have 5 people in a 600 square foot house just adds to our togetherness!
As the kids got older, they wanted to treat me with breakfast in bed. Yay. So I would get that delightful treat, and then they would leave. As I have gotten older, I've decided that since I don't need as much sleep, and I don't need to be alone as much, I spend time with MY mother. We have gone to brunch! (she doesn't like mornings so brunch needs to be after 11). we have gone golfing. Last year we went to Black Bear and she and I won my beloved Charlotte (my white patent leather GENUINE Coach purse... ). I believe that this, too, will come full circle and there will be a time that I'd like for my girls to take me out to brunch! Lunch! Breakfast! Or some such nonsense. But for now, I'm so very grateful for that one day I get to do whatever I want. For as long as I want. And no one asks me anything...
Oh, and Eric is still golfing and/or fishing and enjoying his day as a dad... without kids!
So take that marketing guru's! Maybe some day you will advertise something that moms really need sometimes -- a break. A getaway. NOT a chore!
And for those of you that DO enjoy dressing up your children and enjoying a splendid meal with the under 20 set... more power to you! After all, (she says with as much sarcasm as possible) CHILDREN are life's greatest blessing and reward.... HA!
By the way, I love you mom. Thanks for raising me right. Girls? Lauren (age 15),. Kennedi (age 11) and Madelyn (age 10) thank you for understanding that mommy needs a break sometimes and may you be able to have the sort of family that lets you have that too when you need it. IN ABOUT 20 years...
First of all, have you ever noticed the difference between Mother's Day and Father's Day propaganda? Mother's Day... oooh your a mother! You're special. You're amazing. You do so much all year round... Father's Day... you're a great dad! you work hard! you deserve a break.
WHAT A CROCK.
Back to Mother's Day specifically... The ads in the paper show all the great deals they have for Breakfast! Brunch! Dinner! Implying that after you've spent all year being a (insert adjective here... such as great, good, adequate, tired, okay, "at-least-you-survived") mom, you should now dress up your progeny and drag them IN PUBLIC to "enjoy" a meal with them. Wrong on so many levels, where do I start? If you've had children, and you are even remotely like me, taking your children to eat in public to a place without a playland or a happy meal or a toy in the box, IS NOT FUN. It is not relaxing. It certainly does not make you appreciate your brood and happy to go through another year with them!
As for Father's Day ads... Fishing Gear! Golf clubs! Because after all, Dads deserve a break! A break from spending 8-12 hours out of the house! A break from having outside interests and time and people to do things with! Fathers shouldn't go out with their kids to a brunch buffet for the Love-of-God?!? Gasp! They need to rest!
*** Side note, I know that I am generalizing here, and I hope I didn't offend anyone. In fact, my dad (best guy ever) was a stay-at-home dad. And as you'll see when I bring my point full circle, Eric spends quite a bit of time here too.... But I digress,
So, after one particularly traumatic year when Madelyn was just near a year old, (here's the story.... I laid in bed listening to Madelyn try to break free from her crib. I mistakenly thought that because it was MOTHER'S DAY, Eric would take a turn getting her up. WRONG ANSWER. I got up, fumed and fussed and decided that I would fix him! I would pack up all the kids, dress them up, go to church by myself with a 1 year old, a 2 year old, and a 6 year old! And to top it off, he would miss going out to brunch with us! Do you see the fault in this logic??? I didn't until later in the day. I certainly didn't punish HIM or prove a point to HIM... I nearly killed myself whilst he slept in until noon and thought, hmmm I should call Kandi.. Nope, no punishment or bright light bulb of insight happened that day!) Where was I? Oh yes, when we decided to change...
So after that horrid year, Eric asked me what I thought I would like for Mother's Day. At first he didn't understand how making me a good Mother's Day was his responsibility. Then my dad took him aside and said... She is the mother of your children, and until they're grown it's up to you. And to this day, my dad buys my mom flowers and gifts every mother's day. Refer back to BEST GUY EVER.
So when I really thought about what I wanted, I came up with one thing.... to be left alone. All alone. No noise, no food to make, no diapers to be changed, nothing. Just let me be. That first year still goes down as one of the best days I've ever had. Eric got up and took them --- where? not sure. Just gone. I didn't see them or hear from them until after supper. I laid in bed and watched TV, read a book, took a nap... bliss.
Then when Father's Day rolled around, I said, hey, are you going to go golfing with my dad or fishing with Marty? he said, I don't know yet. I said, well have fun! And that was his day.
We both spend a lot of time with our kids. The first year after Madelyn was born I didn't' work. And with Eric's job that is shift work, he spends a ton of time with them. Even when I did go to work, I went 3 days a week and tried to work super early or later so that one of us would be with them most of the time and use minimal daycare. So, we've got this "spend time with your kids" thing down to a science. And, the fact that we have 5 people in a 600 square foot house just adds to our togetherness!
As the kids got older, they wanted to treat me with breakfast in bed. Yay. So I would get that delightful treat, and then they would leave. As I have gotten older, I've decided that since I don't need as much sleep, and I don't need to be alone as much, I spend time with MY mother. We have gone to brunch! (she doesn't like mornings so brunch needs to be after 11). we have gone golfing. Last year we went to Black Bear and she and I won my beloved Charlotte (my white patent leather GENUINE Coach purse... ). I believe that this, too, will come full circle and there will be a time that I'd like for my girls to take me out to brunch! Lunch! Breakfast! Or some such nonsense. But for now, I'm so very grateful for that one day I get to do whatever I want. For as long as I want. And no one asks me anything...
Oh, and Eric is still golfing and/or fishing and enjoying his day as a dad... without kids!
So take that marketing guru's! Maybe some day you will advertise something that moms really need sometimes -- a break. A getaway. NOT a chore!
And for those of you that DO enjoy dressing up your children and enjoying a splendid meal with the under 20 set... more power to you! After all, (she says with as much sarcasm as possible) CHILDREN are life's greatest blessing and reward.... HA!
By the way, I love you mom. Thanks for raising me right. Girls? Lauren (age 15),. Kennedi (age 11) and Madelyn (age 10) thank you for understanding that mommy needs a break sometimes and may you be able to have the sort of family that lets you have that too when you need it. IN ABOUT 20 years...
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